My Trauma

I don’t usually discuss my trauma but I am going to try to describe what happened to me to anybody who chooses to read this.  I think the reason that I am sharing this now is because the third anniversary of the event is a week from today.

When I got pregnant with my youngest child I knew that I would need a c-section because I had already had one.  Even though my first c-section went very well, I was so scared because I have had a lot of problems numbing in the past.  At one of my appointments I even made my doctor promise that he would make sure that I was completely numb before he started.

The day finally arrived and they started the numbing process, this was bad from the start  the doctor couldn’t get the needle in my back right for the spinal block.  I think it took like a half hour to even get the meds injected, I was shaking with fear the entire time.  In fact I’m shaking right now just thinking about it. Eventually they were satisfied with their work and we prepared for the surgery.  This includes the doctor testing to see if I was numb which I wasn’t, I don’t think he believed me at first because he tested me by making me move my leg, I guess you shouldn’t be able to do this with a spinal block.

After a few minutes of my doctor seeing that I wasn’t numb I could sense irritation in his voice and out of no where he tells the other doctor to put the mask on me.  The doctor told me to breath normally and I would go to sleep, next thing I know it was like I was awake in my sleeping body( I have no other way of explaining it).  I was aware but I couldn’t move, talk, see, or hear.  At this point the surgery started and I felt the incision being made. It’s hard to explain that kind of pain I am not sure that words would do it justice.  I will say that it was the worst pain that I have ever experienced, it burnt so bad, and it made me think I was dying.

The only explanation, that I was offered as to why I felt the c-section was that my nerve endings didn’t absorb the drugs.  This wasn’t explained by the doctor who performed the surgery just my family doctor and the anesthisioligst.  I haven’t seen the doctor who performed the surgery since the operating room and this is the guy that I seen throughout my entire pregnancy.

How has this effected my life?  Before the c-section I was depressed and had some anxiety issues that I was aware of but I had them under control.  I also had OCD but I was completely unaware but looking back I can see it now.  On top of all my mental issues getting much more noticeable I have also developed PTSD.  This trauma effects me physically, when I am having a hard time with it my scar reacts varying from a tingle to outright burning.  This has been difficult for me to write so I’m experiencing the burning right now.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, bye bye

4 Responses to “My Trauma”

  1. john4 Says:

    Gimme_ice: Now I understand. Fully. I empathise with you, and send you a very special hug.

  2. magasanguis Says:

    I can relate here. My sister, 11 at the time, had some health issues last year due to what they FINALLY determined was viral meningitis. During a spinal tap, she was awake and in pain. The doctor heard her screaming and crying but dismissed it, from what I’ve told, literally aughed it off.

    It shook up our family, like I’m sure you can relate.

  3. Diane as pigsflyinair Says:

    had an experience a bit the same, was totally aware when i was paalyzed with medication 2 be intabated after an anafalactic shock. it was hell! thanks 4 sharing, I send a safe hug your way 2! Diane as pigsflyinair at
    would be proud 2 call you friend!

  4. Vickie in Phoenix Says:

    I am speechless about your experience. There ARE NO WORDS. Being someone who used to be a Legal Assistant to an attorney who defended doctors in malpractice cases, I can tell you that if that had happened to me, I would be a very wealthy person now. I did have an emergency C-Section but the anesthesiologist poked me in my armpits with a sharp instrument and asked me if I could feel it. My body absorbs anesthetic slowly so by the time I was numb, they had given me a lot of medicine and after the procedure was over, my respiration suffered. I was on heavy oxygen for several hours and steady oxygen for two days. But in my case, all was well because my son was struggling and time was of the essence. No wonder you have PTSD.

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