Improvement

Lately I have been feeling better emotionally. It seems that therapy is really helping me especially since my therapist has encouraged me to write. When I was a teenager the way I expressed some of the emotion I was feeling was writing poetry, it’s not that I was overly good at writing but it seemed to help. At some point instead of expressing emotion I started locking it away deep within myself, rarely allowing any of it to escape and when it did it was usually an explosion. When you feel emotion in an explosion it can be painful and overwhelming which of course makes you shut down even more or at least that was what happened in my case.

For a long time every time an emotion would start to show itself I would actually feel myself shove it away. Therapy has a way of bringing up emotions and of course I continued to shove back every time the emotion would try to pop up on me, it got to a place that my therapist could see this process by the way I was acting. Every time I would go through this my therapist would reassure me that it was okay and actually good for me to feel the emotion but I still didn’t want the pain.

Do I allow my emotions to run their course? No, not exactly. I am not sure that I will ever be at that place in my life, as the emotion that has always been present is fear. One of my biggest fears is to feel the emotional pain of my experiences, I’m not saying that I have had the toughest life in the world but it’s been hard on me and it has taken it’s toll on me. Being able to express my emotions in my poetry has allowed some of the pressure to release from all the bottled up stuff, it makes me feel at least a little better.

As for what comes next, I’m not quite sure. I don’t know if I will continue to be able to write but I hope I will because it’s been a very good experience for me.

Thank you for reading my blog.

One Response to “Improvement”

  1. john4 Says:

    Dear Gimme_ice,
    Fascinating . . . I, too, have been helped enormously by writing, especially writing my feelings down in poetic form. Fear? I know it too well. Must get to the rest oof your blog. Can’t wait!! Would you like to read MY blog? Try logging on to
    http://john4.psychcentral.net
    or http:// john4.psychcentral.net/wp

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