No group this week.

June 16th, 2008

Monday is usually my day to go to group therapy, it’s a small group, at the most there are two other members and most of the time there is only one other member.  Every so often the group has to be canceled because I am going to be the only person there, this just happened to be one of those weeks.  I really like group, I find it helpful, my goal is to lessen my anxiety around other people.

Having this week off is bringing up some interesting questions for me, mostly because I am spending way to much time in my own head today.  What my main question to myself is can I really reach my goals in such a small group?  This has never come up for me, I have progressed so much up to this point it just was never an issue and I am not sure that it is an issue now.  I guess what I am afraid of is that I am becoming to comfortable to really overcome anything.  Don’t get me wrong I am not ready to leave my group just yet and it actually bothers me to think about losing this group.

I am afraid to bring this up with my therapist tomorrow because I am afraid that she will agree that I have outgrown this group and that it is time to move on, that is not what I want at all.  Time will tell if I try to discuss this or not, I guess that it will depend on if it is weighing on my mind or not

The other thing on my mind  is that I think unrelated to group but could in theory be brought on by a change in my schedule is that I think that I am going into a depressive time.  The last month has been a high anxiety phase, which my anxiety is still rather high and is making me rather uncomfortable but at the moment depression is really getting to me.   I feel like crying for absolutely no reason at all, I really don’t know why but I am  so very sad.  It’s really odd because I wasn’t that depressed yesterday which was of course father’s day, of course I could have been fighting the depression off with keeping myself busy.

The reason that father’s day is such an issue for me is that this is the first year without my stepdad, who I was very close to and father’s day this year just happened to fall on the anniversary of my dad dying nine years ago.  On top of these things a covered bridge that I used to spend a lot of time at was completely destroyed by a tornado, my dad used to take us to see this bridge a lot when I was younger.  Later as a teenager I spent a lot of time wading under this bridge with my friends, I just loved the sound of the boards when a car went over it and I was standing under it, it was like every board was cracking.  Five days after my father passed away, father’s day that year I spent part of the day at that bridge, soaking up the healing powers of mother nature after the stressful time of the funeral and all that other stuff.

That’s really all I have to say at this time, I am really bad spacing out. I am sorry that I just rambled on and if it don’t make since it’s because I was starting to space out towards the end.  Thank you for reading this, I felt fine all day and I really didn’t see this coming tonight. -gimmeice