What does happiness look like?

I often find myself wondering what happiness looks like, I haven’t seen it in a long time if ever so I am not sure what it looks like anymore.

This is the way I feel right now, I am so depressed, the depression feels like a heavy weight sitting on my chest, suffocating me.  The pain is just so deep right now, I feel as though I will never be happy again and I also feel like curling up in a ball and surendering to depression, just let it win it’s so hard to fight.  I am not talking about suicide, I am just talking about letting depression do what it does best.

I see a therapist and I will talk about this with her, I am on meds and my psychiatrist just upped some of my doses due to this depression two weeks ago but they just don’t seem to make a difference, I understand it takes time for the meds to work but what do I do in the meantime.  Of course that is assuming that they do work, I have been through more than a few rounds of this med changing and nothing seems to work, it seems like the depression does what it wants when it wants. I’d quit taking the meds but I need to be able to function for my kids and I can’t imagine how much worse I would be without them, as it is now I barely have enough energy to take a shower, all I want to do is lay in bed but when I am in bed all I want to do is cry.  This is effecting every aspect of my life, I guess that is how major depression works it just sucks the life out of you.

For now I will quit complaining.

2 Responses to “What does happiness look like?”

  1. michelle Says:

    my name is Michelle, I have Bipolar and just got out of a bout of depression last week that also made me want to succumb to the depression.I thought I had to do something, and that one small step I took was to get my running shoes on and go for a brisk walk. That brisk walk did not make all the thoughts go away straight away, but it made me feel ALIVE, good, back in hope and feeling new again. No depression anymore. Let me know how you are going, and you can get out of the depression, just make that one big ( and easy ) step and you will feel good.
    We’re all together 🙂

  2. michelle Says:

    p.s – taking a walk is happiness x

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